SO YOU GOT THE VINTAGE BENTLEY WHAT NOW?
There it is, your Vintage Bentley being unloaded from the box trailer. Family and friends cluster around the aged super car and your neighbour`s curtains flutter as they also enjoy the scene.
It doesn`t matter how you did it, whether you robbed a Bank or sold some salacious story to the News of the World or made your fortune selling paper cups and plates. You`ve made it, in the next revision of the members list your name and details will be there for the Bentley world to see.
Now after all that fuss and negotiating it`s only logical that the Bent is seen to be somehow contributing positively to your sybaritic lifestyle. It can`t be seen to just be sleeping in the garage and only brought out annually for the BDC concourse!
Having been in this position myself it`s only fair that I bring a touch of reality to the situation, who knows, my advice might just save your marriage and your sanity!
The First Test Drive
Once the Bent is unloaded it`s time for a test drive with the family squeezed into every available space. They put on some windproof clothing and the wife goes into the house to put a headscarf on to protect her 200 nicker hair do from adverse wind effects. At last everyone is in place and now is the time to put on the Biggles flying helmet and goggles that you`ve been test driving in front of the mirror for so long.
After the cockpit flight checks it`s time to start the engine. Pushing the Smiths starter button the engine spins over smartly but does not fire up and after several attempts it`s time to phone the vendor to ask what the problem could be. The vendor answers the phone and sounds slightly inebriated but it can`t be, its only 10 30 in the morning, it`s probably just a bad line. After a rather round the houses conversation you establish that there is an ignition safety switch to protect against theft.
At last the engine fires up, and to celebrate, a dark cloud of smoke erupts from the exhaust pipe. Slipping the gearbox into first is a cinch, what`s all this nonsense about Bentley gearboxes being difficult to change gear in? However changing from first to second does elicit a loud crunch that makes the family wince. It`s good to know that the gears are in there doing their job.
After some miles driving through suburbia the countryside starts to emerge from the conglomeration, spirits run high, people wave at you as you burble by. However some uncouth youths make it a negative by making obscene gestures and shouting expletives, especially that word that rhymes with banker. There`s something special about driving in an open car, if you look up you can see the sky above and the tops of the trees, the wind wafts over your head and ruffles your hair, unfortunately the wife`s headscarf is blown away by a gust of wind. The smell of the countryside, especially in spring and the scent of the hawthorn and cherry blossoms delight the senses but don`t pass any cattle or pig farms as it may destroy your mood.
Unfortunately, being a Bentley owner doesn`t enable you to control the weather, so that during an idyllic drive, dark clouds may start to appear overhead. Don`t worry, there`s a hood to erect should it start to rain. Suddenly a cloud burst erupts just where you are driving and after stopping to erect the hood you find that it is impossible to get up, so that in the absence of cover, everyone becomes soaked to the skin. You drive back home but on arrival it`s difficult for the passengers to get out of the Bent as they are stuck to the leather seats. The wife is in hysterics as her expensive hair do now resembles a Mohican cut reaching for the sky. The ever alert neighbours are rewarded by the sight of the disembarking rain sodden Bentley crew, especially when the doors are opened and torrents of water cascade out
After this catastrophe, the family, especially the wife, refuse to go out in the Bent again!
My advice is to do a solo test drive before taking out the family and make sure that the hood can be erected and that you learn to change gear without crunching them, After all with these crash boxes, except for first gear, one can change up and down without using the clutch. With this initial training you can forgo the loss of respect by the kids and endless nagging by the wife.
The Police Investigation
There`s a loud banging on the front door and you can see blue lights flashing through the window. Upon opening the door there are fraud police that want to interview you about the Bentley. Apparently the Bent is made up from parts stolen from another car in storage, so the police take away the Bent to investigate this. It could mean that you lose the car without any recompense.
Don`t laugh, this could happen, before purchasing any Bentley make sure the car is genuine and the seller has a proper title to the car.
The visit to the Church Fete.
It`s time to prepare the car for the Church annual Fete, the trendy young Vicar has persuaded the wife to bring the family along in the Bentley to join the other interesting cars on display. Now that the Bent is gleaming like a new pin you trundle through the village passing by the green wellington booted villagers going about their business but these are no yokels, they are stockbrokers and new monied gentry. The original inhabitants now live miles away in a new town. The village shop is a giveaway, it has the rather twee name of “Village Deli” and the pub now serves molecular cuisine at a hundred pounds a head instead of all that lovely overcooked English food. The giveaway is the liquid nitrogen storage tank in the car park.
You arrive at the field next to the pretty medieval Church and are directed to a place of honour beside the other vintage and classic cars. There is calm and the fragrance of new cut grass together with the wafts of petrol and oil vapour coming from the hot engines. After putting up the picnic table and chairs and pouring the wine, there`s time to look around at your fellow enthusiast`s cars. There are no other Bentleys but there is a Vauxhall 30 / 98 and a bevy of Austin Sevens of all types. In the post war category there are the usual TR`s and Spridgets and several Jags plus a selection of BMC horrors that I won`t mention in detail.
While the wife and kids go to look at the bouncy castle and the stalls selling cakes and pots of jam, you are left holding the fort, to answer questions posed by the general public, which seem to be mostly “How much is it worth” and “How fast does it go”. Then of course there are the children licking away at ice creams, lollipops and candy floss, which their doting parents allow to climb on the running boards and anoint the body fabric and wings with their sticky little hands. It can be quite difficult to carry on a conversation when a child wobbles over to the Bent carrying a large ice cream which seems to be leaning over at a dangerous angle in the proximity of the coachwork.
After several hours of this the family come back but of course have forgotten to bring you a beer and a cake not knowing that the bottle of wine went in a twinkling earlier when you discovered friends that you didn`t know that you had.
The good advice is to teach the wife to drive the Bent, it`s painful but it can be done, so that when the next fete takes place you will have the house to yourself for a few hours.
The Pub Lunch
What could be nicer than a trip in the Bent to a cosy country pub that serves decent food. In the winter there will be a warming fire in the ingle nook to bring back the circulation in your hands and face after the draughty journey there. Then in the summer a glorious sun bathed drive down leafy country lanes to your hostelry of choice. Don`t leave it too long, as with 500 pubs closing their doors for good every week in the UK, there won`t be many left soon.
It`s amazing what reactions the general public have to vintage Bentleys. I remember once when John Hunt and I went to a pub somewhere in the hills around Birmingham for lunch. John took his 4.5 litre and I was the passenger whiling away my time by leaning out of the car and looking at the front suspension working away. As a passenger, one notices much more than if one was driving and when John pulled into the pub car park we stopped in front of an outdoor table. To this very day I remember the expressions on the faces of the drinkers at the table.
There was naked envy, admiration, disgust, in fact a whole spectrum of emotions, so remember, if you drive a Bent not everybody is going to love and respect you.
Please support our ailing pubs, despite having to run the gauntlet of the discarded fag ends, it`s not much to ask and the wife won`t be able to light up between courses.
The Noggin and Natter.
These events are held quite frequently and can be BDC or VSCC or mixed. The first hurdle is to find parking as the pub car park is always full. Once parked, there is a brisk walk back to the pub and the chance to slake your raging thirst but it`s not that easy, there are no spaces at the bar and the customers are standing four deep, the last rank shouting their orders over the heads of the others. After a long wait and an increase in your blood pressure caused by the pushy customers at the back being served first, your pint of foaming wallop is in your hand. Then you discover you`ve been short changed, it was a twenty pound note that you had tendered and you`ve only received change for a tenner. You shrug your shoulders and walk through the packed room looking for a familiar face, there is an appalling noise, a cacophony of regional accents and a marked lack of oxygen in the room. Going outside to get a breath of fresh air you leave your pint on a table while you go to the toilet and return to find the pint is no longer there. Already exhausted you give up and drive the fifty miles back home.
The advice here is to forgo these stressful events; people only want to air their own worthless opinions and there`s a different opinion for every bottom that sits on a chair. Better to go down to your local pub where, for the price of a pint, the locals will listen to and agree with whatever you have to say.
BDC Silverstone
This is a must, where you can wander around the paddock rubbing shoulders with the “names” and see with your own eyes the standard of modifications made to the racing Bentleys and enjoy looking at the spectator`s cars, especially the recently constructed Blowers and the Le Mans team cars. It`s difficult to believe that so many took Part at Le Mans, judging by the numbers, it must have been at least eighty per race. A word of warning! Beware of young ladies driving a Bent around the paddock, one nearly ran over my foot at the 2011 event.
My advice is just go there and be part of it but don`t be blackmailed into taking the wife and kids!
BDC Concourse
Like the old brown cow “It aint what it used to be”. Nowadays there aren`t so many Vintage Bentleys that attend, the reason why is probably that the new owners don`t like to take their investments out of storage in case the country air pollutes them. Another reason may be embarrassment at not being able to change gear without the gears protesting loudly.
It`s not like going to a normal concourse where the crowds surge around your Bent excitedly, so be prepared that when entering the field, nobody seems interested in your green painted treasure.
The 2011 Concourse was fun and you could walk around Club HQ and see the stalwarts at work. It`s good to know that while you are working under your incontinent Bent in that dank garage in the middle of Winter, somebody is able to work in luxurious conditions.
It`s very civilized on the field, with a posh tent selling expensive meals and a not so posh tent offering snacks for the less well heeled. There`s also a beer tent and the large Trade tent with the usual trade stands there offering their unpriced wares, well, if you want to know the price you can`t afford it! Straw hats and striped blazers were in a minority this year but Ecuadorian Panama hats were on the increase. The second hand traders were thin on the ground, that`s a pity as you can`t beat a good rummage around.
The advice is to go for it, support the club and have a great time.
VSCC Silverstone
A bit like BDC Silverstone but you have to park outside the track, get a paddock ticket and mingle with the cognoscenti witnessing the sights, sounds and aromas of true racing cars. It`s amusing to watch and listen to VSSC and BDC members verbally massacring the cars, so how does one know the difference between VSSC and BDC members? It`s all in their treatment of the middle aged spread. The VSSC members tend to wear jeans and let the excess waistline hang over their belts. If it`s considered a posh do; then they turn their anoraks inside out to show the clean side. BDC members wear trousers with elasticated waistlines and the belt is positioned just over the maximum protrusion so that the trousers don`t fall down, the wise ones wear braces. They also wear short sleeved decorative shirts hanging outside their trousers and of course sport a Panama hat. The VSSC hat of choice is surely a ratting cap as worn by Northern English folk that own whippets, or if attending a prize giving, a tweed Ghillies hat with fishing flies hooked to the rim, would be the one of choice.
If you can only attend one Silverstone meeting, then it must be the BDC!
The Continental Rally
When you read about continental rallies in the BDC Review can one believe that all was sweetness and light as reported? Perhaps it`s unwise to assume that anyone that can afford the price of a Bentley is a scholar and a gentleman.
My own experience of continental rallies began in 1979 on the “Escargot D`Or” a rally organized by the Town of Juan Les Pins on the Cote D`Azure. I was working in Provence at the time and had got to know one of the organizers, Wolf Burg the owner of a boulangerie. The Rally was heavily subsidized by an Anisette manufacturer so was real value for money. I met my first Bentley owner on this rally and when the Austin Seven that Wolf had lent me had ignition problems, I went to the Bentley boy to borrow a Magneto spanner; he said that he would look for it when he had time but he never found the time. I was not impressed by his lack of concern.
The rally was fabulous with good food and plenty of wine but there were undercurrents of unrest, one of which was a certain French owner of a Rolls Royce who had no idea of how to drive or just did not care and created havoc when on the road by needlessly cutting up other cars. The Bentley boys were up in arms threatening to do damage the Roller`s bodywork by putting their wheel spinners through it.
Another pain was the English owner of a six cylinder Delage torpedo; he somehow wound up the French contingent and one morning after breakfast, when we went to our cars, we found the Delage sporting a large surgical rubber ware ribbed tickler pulled over the radiator cap. ( Photo withheld by request ).
After I had completed the construction of my Experimental 2 replica Bentley I entered the French Fougeres Rally in which the marque Bentley was the featured car and a contingent of Bentleys sallied forth to represent the Club. For some reason the organizers chose my car to be the feted one and gave me the place of honour fronting the casino at Bagnols de Lorne. (SEE PHOTO ON HOME PAGE) The press printed a nice photo of my car with the caption “As beautiful as an aeroplane without wings”. I was also presented with a glass plaque with an etched representation of the Bentley logo and a wonderful lithograph of Colin Chapman by a local artist. All went well until I mentioned to the Bentley contingent that my car was a bitsa, which was committing social hari kiri but the French loved the car.
Never ever having been on a totally Bentley Rally I can only comment on what I`ve read in the Review or been told by participants. I`ve heard whispers of bread fights and water gun raids by the younger members. As far as entertainment is concerned there is always somebody that can play the Joanna and churn out all the favourites like “Roll out the barrel” and “The cock Linnet” to sing along to, much to the delight of the French diners who have to shout louder in order to be heard. Another act to savour is the spoons virtuoso who will click those spoons around his body in time with the music, hopefully not every evening. Then there`s always a raconteur who will lull you to sleep with his endless tales after dinner.
Why not try it; it could be your thing. There was a rally in Provence recently advertised in the BDC Advertiser, four days for only five grand for a car and two persons. Best hurry before all the places are snapped up.
Paris to Peking
After participating in all the functions as described it`s time to go for the gung ho derring do ultimate one. I suppose that, if it was as difficult as described by Luigi Barzini the journalist accompanying Prince Borghese the winner, in his book of the race, then nobody would be interested in participating. At best the rally seems to be a tame version of the original, hotels with flushing toilets and a few hardships thrown in to make the participants think it was worth the money.
Some of the roads could be a bit punishing on the poor old Bent so the first thing to do is to take your car to one of the specialists and have it prepared for the rally. Of course they will recommend an engine overhaul plus the front and rear axle overhaul, new wheels and tyres, the radiator recored etc.
Well you made it back in one piece having run out of tummy pills on the way. The Bent has suffered too and has had to be returned to the specialist to be completely rebuilt again!
My advice is to forget these type of “soft” re creations of famous events and alternatively take a reality holiday in Cambodia helping to clear landmines or a couple of weeks in Nigeria helping the natives to illegally tap the petroleum pipeline, where if you survive, will give you enough scary adventures to last a lifetime and you`ll save a heck of a lot of money as well.
Don`t thank me for these pearls of wisdom, knowing that my advice ameliorated your pleasure with your Vintage Bentley is reward enough.
THIS WAS AN ARTICLE THAT WAS SUBMITTED TO THE BDC REVIEW BUT NEVER GOT PUBLISHED!
There it is, your Vintage Bentley being unloaded from the box trailer. Family and friends cluster around the aged super car and your neighbour`s curtains flutter as they also enjoy the scene.
It doesn`t matter how you did it, whether you robbed a Bank or sold some salacious story to the News of the World or made your fortune selling paper cups and plates. You`ve made it, in the next revision of the members list your name and details will be there for the Bentley world to see.
Now after all that fuss and negotiating it`s only logical that the Bent is seen to be somehow contributing positively to your sybaritic lifestyle. It can`t be seen to just be sleeping in the garage and only brought out annually for the BDC concourse!
Having been in this position myself it`s only fair that I bring a touch of reality to the situation, who knows, my advice might just save your marriage and your sanity!
The First Test Drive
Once the Bent is unloaded it`s time for a test drive with the family squeezed into every available space. They put on some windproof clothing and the wife goes into the house to put a headscarf on to protect her 200 nicker hair do from adverse wind effects. At last everyone is in place and now is the time to put on the Biggles flying helmet and goggles that you`ve been test driving in front of the mirror for so long.
After the cockpit flight checks it`s time to start the engine. Pushing the Smiths starter button the engine spins over smartly but does not fire up and after several attempts it`s time to phone the vendor to ask what the problem could be. The vendor answers the phone and sounds slightly inebriated but it can`t be, its only 10 30 in the morning, it`s probably just a bad line. After a rather round the houses conversation you establish that there is an ignition safety switch to protect against theft.
At last the engine fires up, and to celebrate, a dark cloud of smoke erupts from the exhaust pipe. Slipping the gearbox into first is a cinch, what`s all this nonsense about Bentley gearboxes being difficult to change gear in? However changing from first to second does elicit a loud crunch that makes the family wince. It`s good to know that the gears are in there doing their job.
After some miles driving through suburbia the countryside starts to emerge from the conglomeration, spirits run high, people wave at you as you burble by. However some uncouth youths make it a negative by making obscene gestures and shouting expletives, especially that word that rhymes with banker. There`s something special about driving in an open car, if you look up you can see the sky above and the tops of the trees, the wind wafts over your head and ruffles your hair, unfortunately the wife`s headscarf is blown away by a gust of wind. The smell of the countryside, especially in spring and the scent of the hawthorn and cherry blossoms delight the senses but don`t pass any cattle or pig farms as it may destroy your mood.
Unfortunately, being a Bentley owner doesn`t enable you to control the weather, so that during an idyllic drive, dark clouds may start to appear overhead. Don`t worry, there`s a hood to erect should it start to rain. Suddenly a cloud burst erupts just where you are driving and after stopping to erect the hood you find that it is impossible to get up, so that in the absence of cover, everyone becomes soaked to the skin. You drive back home but on arrival it`s difficult for the passengers to get out of the Bent as they are stuck to the leather seats. The wife is in hysterics as her expensive hair do now resembles a Mohican cut reaching for the sky. The ever alert neighbours are rewarded by the sight of the disembarking rain sodden Bentley crew, especially when the doors are opened and torrents of water cascade out
After this catastrophe, the family, especially the wife, refuse to go out in the Bent again!
My advice is to do a solo test drive before taking out the family and make sure that the hood can be erected and that you learn to change gear without crunching them, After all with these crash boxes, except for first gear, one can change up and down without using the clutch. With this initial training you can forgo the loss of respect by the kids and endless nagging by the wife.
The Police Investigation
There`s a loud banging on the front door and you can see blue lights flashing through the window. Upon opening the door there are fraud police that want to interview you about the Bentley. Apparently the Bent is made up from parts stolen from another car in storage, so the police take away the Bent to investigate this. It could mean that you lose the car without any recompense.
Don`t laugh, this could happen, before purchasing any Bentley make sure the car is genuine and the seller has a proper title to the car.
The visit to the Church Fete.
It`s time to prepare the car for the Church annual Fete, the trendy young Vicar has persuaded the wife to bring the family along in the Bentley to join the other interesting cars on display. Now that the Bent is gleaming like a new pin you trundle through the village passing by the green wellington booted villagers going about their business but these are no yokels, they are stockbrokers and new monied gentry. The original inhabitants now live miles away in a new town. The village shop is a giveaway, it has the rather twee name of “Village Deli” and the pub now serves molecular cuisine at a hundred pounds a head instead of all that lovely overcooked English food. The giveaway is the liquid nitrogen storage tank in the car park.
You arrive at the field next to the pretty medieval Church and are directed to a place of honour beside the other vintage and classic cars. There is calm and the fragrance of new cut grass together with the wafts of petrol and oil vapour coming from the hot engines. After putting up the picnic table and chairs and pouring the wine, there`s time to look around at your fellow enthusiast`s cars. There are no other Bentleys but there is a Vauxhall 30 / 98 and a bevy of Austin Sevens of all types. In the post war category there are the usual TR`s and Spridgets and several Jags plus a selection of BMC horrors that I won`t mention in detail.
While the wife and kids go to look at the bouncy castle and the stalls selling cakes and pots of jam, you are left holding the fort, to answer questions posed by the general public, which seem to be mostly “How much is it worth” and “How fast does it go”. Then of course there are the children licking away at ice creams, lollipops and candy floss, which their doting parents allow to climb on the running boards and anoint the body fabric and wings with their sticky little hands. It can be quite difficult to carry on a conversation when a child wobbles over to the Bent carrying a large ice cream which seems to be leaning over at a dangerous angle in the proximity of the coachwork.
After several hours of this the family come back but of course have forgotten to bring you a beer and a cake not knowing that the bottle of wine went in a twinkling earlier when you discovered friends that you didn`t know that you had.
The good advice is to teach the wife to drive the Bent, it`s painful but it can be done, so that when the next fete takes place you will have the house to yourself for a few hours.
The Pub Lunch
What could be nicer than a trip in the Bent to a cosy country pub that serves decent food. In the winter there will be a warming fire in the ingle nook to bring back the circulation in your hands and face after the draughty journey there. Then in the summer a glorious sun bathed drive down leafy country lanes to your hostelry of choice. Don`t leave it too long, as with 500 pubs closing their doors for good every week in the UK, there won`t be many left soon.
It`s amazing what reactions the general public have to vintage Bentleys. I remember once when John Hunt and I went to a pub somewhere in the hills around Birmingham for lunch. John took his 4.5 litre and I was the passenger whiling away my time by leaning out of the car and looking at the front suspension working away. As a passenger, one notices much more than if one was driving and when John pulled into the pub car park we stopped in front of an outdoor table. To this very day I remember the expressions on the faces of the drinkers at the table.
There was naked envy, admiration, disgust, in fact a whole spectrum of emotions, so remember, if you drive a Bent not everybody is going to love and respect you.
Please support our ailing pubs, despite having to run the gauntlet of the discarded fag ends, it`s not much to ask and the wife won`t be able to light up between courses.
The Noggin and Natter.
These events are held quite frequently and can be BDC or VSCC or mixed. The first hurdle is to find parking as the pub car park is always full. Once parked, there is a brisk walk back to the pub and the chance to slake your raging thirst but it`s not that easy, there are no spaces at the bar and the customers are standing four deep, the last rank shouting their orders over the heads of the others. After a long wait and an increase in your blood pressure caused by the pushy customers at the back being served first, your pint of foaming wallop is in your hand. Then you discover you`ve been short changed, it was a twenty pound note that you had tendered and you`ve only received change for a tenner. You shrug your shoulders and walk through the packed room looking for a familiar face, there is an appalling noise, a cacophony of regional accents and a marked lack of oxygen in the room. Going outside to get a breath of fresh air you leave your pint on a table while you go to the toilet and return to find the pint is no longer there. Already exhausted you give up and drive the fifty miles back home.
The advice here is to forgo these stressful events; people only want to air their own worthless opinions and there`s a different opinion for every bottom that sits on a chair. Better to go down to your local pub where, for the price of a pint, the locals will listen to and agree with whatever you have to say.
BDC Silverstone
This is a must, where you can wander around the paddock rubbing shoulders with the “names” and see with your own eyes the standard of modifications made to the racing Bentleys and enjoy looking at the spectator`s cars, especially the recently constructed Blowers and the Le Mans team cars. It`s difficult to believe that so many took Part at Le Mans, judging by the numbers, it must have been at least eighty per race. A word of warning! Beware of young ladies driving a Bent around the paddock, one nearly ran over my foot at the 2011 event.
My advice is just go there and be part of it but don`t be blackmailed into taking the wife and kids!
BDC Concourse
Like the old brown cow “It aint what it used to be”. Nowadays there aren`t so many Vintage Bentleys that attend, the reason why is probably that the new owners don`t like to take their investments out of storage in case the country air pollutes them. Another reason may be embarrassment at not being able to change gear without the gears protesting loudly.
It`s not like going to a normal concourse where the crowds surge around your Bent excitedly, so be prepared that when entering the field, nobody seems interested in your green painted treasure.
The 2011 Concourse was fun and you could walk around Club HQ and see the stalwarts at work. It`s good to know that while you are working under your incontinent Bent in that dank garage in the middle of Winter, somebody is able to work in luxurious conditions.
It`s very civilized on the field, with a posh tent selling expensive meals and a not so posh tent offering snacks for the less well heeled. There`s also a beer tent and the large Trade tent with the usual trade stands there offering their unpriced wares, well, if you want to know the price you can`t afford it! Straw hats and striped blazers were in a minority this year but Ecuadorian Panama hats were on the increase. The second hand traders were thin on the ground, that`s a pity as you can`t beat a good rummage around.
The advice is to go for it, support the club and have a great time.
VSCC Silverstone
A bit like BDC Silverstone but you have to park outside the track, get a paddock ticket and mingle with the cognoscenti witnessing the sights, sounds and aromas of true racing cars. It`s amusing to watch and listen to VSSC and BDC members verbally massacring the cars, so how does one know the difference between VSSC and BDC members? It`s all in their treatment of the middle aged spread. The VSSC members tend to wear jeans and let the excess waistline hang over their belts. If it`s considered a posh do; then they turn their anoraks inside out to show the clean side. BDC members wear trousers with elasticated waistlines and the belt is positioned just over the maximum protrusion so that the trousers don`t fall down, the wise ones wear braces. They also wear short sleeved decorative shirts hanging outside their trousers and of course sport a Panama hat. The VSSC hat of choice is surely a ratting cap as worn by Northern English folk that own whippets, or if attending a prize giving, a tweed Ghillies hat with fishing flies hooked to the rim, would be the one of choice.
If you can only attend one Silverstone meeting, then it must be the BDC!
The Continental Rally
When you read about continental rallies in the BDC Review can one believe that all was sweetness and light as reported? Perhaps it`s unwise to assume that anyone that can afford the price of a Bentley is a scholar and a gentleman.
My own experience of continental rallies began in 1979 on the “Escargot D`Or” a rally organized by the Town of Juan Les Pins on the Cote D`Azure. I was working in Provence at the time and had got to know one of the organizers, Wolf Burg the owner of a boulangerie. The Rally was heavily subsidized by an Anisette manufacturer so was real value for money. I met my first Bentley owner on this rally and when the Austin Seven that Wolf had lent me had ignition problems, I went to the Bentley boy to borrow a Magneto spanner; he said that he would look for it when he had time but he never found the time. I was not impressed by his lack of concern.
The rally was fabulous with good food and plenty of wine but there were undercurrents of unrest, one of which was a certain French owner of a Rolls Royce who had no idea of how to drive or just did not care and created havoc when on the road by needlessly cutting up other cars. The Bentley boys were up in arms threatening to do damage the Roller`s bodywork by putting their wheel spinners through it.
Another pain was the English owner of a six cylinder Delage torpedo; he somehow wound up the French contingent and one morning after breakfast, when we went to our cars, we found the Delage sporting a large surgical rubber ware ribbed tickler pulled over the radiator cap. ( Photo withheld by request ).
After I had completed the construction of my Experimental 2 replica Bentley I entered the French Fougeres Rally in which the marque Bentley was the featured car and a contingent of Bentleys sallied forth to represent the Club. For some reason the organizers chose my car to be the feted one and gave me the place of honour fronting the casino at Bagnols de Lorne. (SEE PHOTO ON HOME PAGE) The press printed a nice photo of my car with the caption “As beautiful as an aeroplane without wings”. I was also presented with a glass plaque with an etched representation of the Bentley logo and a wonderful lithograph of Colin Chapman by a local artist. All went well until I mentioned to the Bentley contingent that my car was a bitsa, which was committing social hari kiri but the French loved the car.
Never ever having been on a totally Bentley Rally I can only comment on what I`ve read in the Review or been told by participants. I`ve heard whispers of bread fights and water gun raids by the younger members. As far as entertainment is concerned there is always somebody that can play the Joanna and churn out all the favourites like “Roll out the barrel” and “The cock Linnet” to sing along to, much to the delight of the French diners who have to shout louder in order to be heard. Another act to savour is the spoons virtuoso who will click those spoons around his body in time with the music, hopefully not every evening. Then there`s always a raconteur who will lull you to sleep with his endless tales after dinner.
Why not try it; it could be your thing. There was a rally in Provence recently advertised in the BDC Advertiser, four days for only five grand for a car and two persons. Best hurry before all the places are snapped up.
Paris to Peking
After participating in all the functions as described it`s time to go for the gung ho derring do ultimate one. I suppose that, if it was as difficult as described by Luigi Barzini the journalist accompanying Prince Borghese the winner, in his book of the race, then nobody would be interested in participating. At best the rally seems to be a tame version of the original, hotels with flushing toilets and a few hardships thrown in to make the participants think it was worth the money.
Some of the roads could be a bit punishing on the poor old Bent so the first thing to do is to take your car to one of the specialists and have it prepared for the rally. Of course they will recommend an engine overhaul plus the front and rear axle overhaul, new wheels and tyres, the radiator recored etc.
Well you made it back in one piece having run out of tummy pills on the way. The Bent has suffered too and has had to be returned to the specialist to be completely rebuilt again!
My advice is to forget these type of “soft” re creations of famous events and alternatively take a reality holiday in Cambodia helping to clear landmines or a couple of weeks in Nigeria helping the natives to illegally tap the petroleum pipeline, where if you survive, will give you enough scary adventures to last a lifetime and you`ll save a heck of a lot of money as well.
Don`t thank me for these pearls of wisdom, knowing that my advice ameliorated your pleasure with your Vintage Bentley is reward enough.
THIS WAS AN ARTICLE THAT WAS SUBMITTED TO THE BDC REVIEW BUT NEVER GOT PUBLISHED!