BUILDING A VINTAGE BENTLEY PART THREE
MY ORIGINAL SKETCH FOR THE BENTLEY CHASSIS, THIS WAS BEFORE CLUB DRAWINGS WERE AVAILABLE.
SELLERS AND BUYERS.
I THINK THAT THIS IS THE MOMENT TO MAKE A DISCLAIMER, THAT ALL THE CHARACTERS THAT I DESCRIBE BELOW ARE NOT BASED ON ANY LIVING PERSON AND ALTHOUGH THERE ARE ELEMENTS OF REALITY INCLUDED, IT`S JUST A BIT OF FUN TO LIGHTEN UP THIS ARTICLE.
I WILL ATTEMPT TO DESCRIBE SOME OF THE TYPES OF CHARACTERS THAT YOU WILL BE BUYING FROM. YOU MAY ALSO BE SELLING, SO THAT I INCLUDE TIPS FOR BOTH CASES.
NICE GUYS
AMAZINGLY THERE ARE STILL SOME AROUND, AND WHETHER YOU ARE BUYING OR SELLING FROM THEM YOUR CONSCIENCE WON`T LET YOU MAKE THAT KILLING THAT YOU WOULD LIKE. EVEN AFTER GIVING THEM A GOOD DEAL YOU`RE STILL LEFT WONDERING IF YOU`VE DONE THE RIGHT THING BY THEM.
MOTHER HENS
THESE ARE THE INFURIATING ONES THAT HAVE THE PARTS THAT YOU WANT BUT WON`T SELL THEM INDIVIDUALLY, INSISTING THAT YOU BUY A JOB LOT OF MOSTLY DROSS AT AN INFLATED PRICE. THE PICTURE IN MY MIND IS THAT OF A GIANT HEN SITTING ON A PILE OF PARTS CLUCKING AWAY TRYING TO LAY SOME MORE PARTS.
THERE ARE TWO OPTIONS HERE, YOU CAN EITHER BUY THE PILE OF PARTS AND TRY TO SELL ON THE DROSS OR, ASK THE SELLER TO CONTACT YOU IF HE SUDDENLY DECIDES TO SELL THE PARTS INDIVIDUALLY.
TEASERS
SIMILAR TO MOTHER HENS BUT WITH A SADISTIC STREAK, SO THAT WHEN YOU GO TO SEE THEM TO BUY SOME PARTS, TAKE GREAT GLEE IN SHOWING YOU ANOTHER PILE OF PARTS THAT YOU ARE DESPERATE TO BUY, THAT THEY WILL NOT PART WITH FOR ALL THE TEA IN CHINA.
TACTICS ARE THE SAME AS FOR MOTHER HENS, AS TIMES CAN CHANGE eg. WHEN THE TEASER HAS TO FORK OUT FOR HIS DAUGHTER`S WEDDING FOR EXAMPLE.
MILITARY MEN
THESE EX MILITARY GENTLEMEN TEND TO LOOK DOWN ON PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN CIVVY STREET. THE KEY TO DEALING WITH THEM IS TO ESTABLISH THAT YOU HAVE A SUPERIOR RANK TO THEM WHICH WILL MAKE THEM FEEL INFERIOR AND THEY WILL BE PUTTY IN YOUR HANDS.
BYE THE BYE: THE PROTOCOL FOR CARRYING YOUR RANK OVER TO CIVILIAN LIFE IS THAT THE MINIMUM RANK IS MAJOR. ANYONE CALLING THEMSELVES CAPTAIN SUCH AS WO, BARNATO AND DUFF WERE A BIT OUT OF TOUCH WITH IT.
THE WAY TO HANDLE THIS, IS WHEN YOU ARE INVITED INTO THEIR HOUSE IS TO PULL ON A PAIR OF WHITE GLOVES AND LOOK FOR DUST ON THE TOP OF DOORS AND FURNITURE AND MAKE SURE THAT YOUR EYES ARE LOOKING DOWN ON THEM. SPEAK IN A COMMANDING VOICE, WEAR AN S.A.S TIE, IT`S EASY PEASY.
PUBLIC SCHOOLBOYS
IT`S A LITTLE KNOWN FACT TO US THAT NEVER ATTENDED A FEE PAYING SCHOOL IS THAT THERE IS A PECKING ORDER FOR PUBLIC SCHOOLS RANGING FROM YOUR FOURTH CLASS ESTABLISHMENT UP TO THE PINNACLE OF ETON AND HARROW. A LOT OF WELL MEANING PARENTS OF HUMBLE OR IMPOVERISHED MIDDLE CLASSES SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO THESE ESTABLISHMENTS "TO GET A BETTER EDUCATION THAN I HAD". THESE POORER PUPILS GO THROUGH HELL. HOWEVER AFTER LEARNING TO SPEAK IN THE UPPER CLASS DRAWL, THEY LORD IT UP WITH NORMAL PEOPLE.
WHEN DEALING WITH SUCH FOLK, IF YOU WEAR AN ETON TIE, AND YOUR SELLER CRINGES THEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE THE UPPER HAND IN THE NEGOTIATIONS.
MOOK IS BRASS
THESE GENTLEMEN OF YORKSHIRE ORIGIN ARE DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH, WHEN YOU WANT TO BUY FROM THEM, PRICES ARE SKY HIGH. WHEN YOU ARE SELLING TO THEM, THEY CAN`T AFFORD IT AND OFFER SILLY PRICES. PERSONALLY I WOULD RATHER HAVE A TOOTH PULLED THAN DEAL WITH THEM.
HOME COUNTIES
THESE FOLK ARE INCREDIBLY CHARMING BUT RUTHLESS, WHEN YOU SHAKE HANDS WITH THEM COUNT YOUR FINGERS.
BRUMMIES
THE SALT OF THE EARTH, BE CAREFUL THAT THEIR SING SONG ACCENT DOESN`T LULL YOU INTO A COMATOSE STATE WHERE THEY CAN OUT DEAL YOU.
NOUVEAU RICHE
IT WILL BE APPARENT TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE MET AT THE DOOR BY A PERSON DRESSED IN A SHOOTING JACKET AND THE WIFE HAS A LAURA ASHLEY DRESS THAT MATCHES THE LAURA ASHLEY CURTAINS THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH THE NOUVEAU RICHE. WHEN ASKING THE PRICE OF PARTS THAT ARE ON OFFER LOOK AGHAST AND SAY THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD THEM. JUST WATCH HIS FACE, IF IT DROPS THEN IT IS PROBABLE THAT HIS BANK MANAGER HAS BEEN IN TOUCH ABOUT HIS OVERDRAFT. GO FOR THE KILL.
BARROW BOYS
IT`S AMAZING HOW MANY BDC MEMBERS STARTED OUT PUSHING A BARROW IN THE EAST END OF LONDON CRYING OUT THEIR WARES OR BLOWING THEIR RAGMAN`S TRUMPET. NOW WELL HEELED AND RESPECTABLE BUT STILL CAN`T HELP DEALING. WHEN BUYING FROM THEM ASSUME A COCKNEY ACCENT, WEAR A PEARLY JACKET AND DON`T FORGET THE SPOONS SO THAT YOU CAN GIVE A VIRTUOSO PERFORMANCE. THE CLICKING OF THE SPOONS WILL PROBABLY INDUCE A LASSITUDE IN THE SELLER THAT MAY TAKE THE EDGE OFF HIS BARGAINING SKILLS AND HELP REDUCE THE PRICE.
I THINK THAT THIS IS THE MOMENT TO MAKE A DISCLAIMER, THAT ALL THE CHARACTERS THAT I DESCRIBE BELOW ARE NOT BASED ON ANY LIVING PERSON AND ALTHOUGH THERE ARE ELEMENTS OF REALITY INCLUDED, IT`S JUST A BIT OF FUN TO LIGHTEN UP THIS ARTICLE.
I WILL ATTEMPT TO DESCRIBE SOME OF THE TYPES OF CHARACTERS THAT YOU WILL BE BUYING FROM. YOU MAY ALSO BE SELLING, SO THAT I INCLUDE TIPS FOR BOTH CASES.
NICE GUYS
AMAZINGLY THERE ARE STILL SOME AROUND, AND WHETHER YOU ARE BUYING OR SELLING FROM THEM YOUR CONSCIENCE WON`T LET YOU MAKE THAT KILLING THAT YOU WOULD LIKE. EVEN AFTER GIVING THEM A GOOD DEAL YOU`RE STILL LEFT WONDERING IF YOU`VE DONE THE RIGHT THING BY THEM.
MOTHER HENS
THESE ARE THE INFURIATING ONES THAT HAVE THE PARTS THAT YOU WANT BUT WON`T SELL THEM INDIVIDUALLY, INSISTING THAT YOU BUY A JOB LOT OF MOSTLY DROSS AT AN INFLATED PRICE. THE PICTURE IN MY MIND IS THAT OF A GIANT HEN SITTING ON A PILE OF PARTS CLUCKING AWAY TRYING TO LAY SOME MORE PARTS.
THERE ARE TWO OPTIONS HERE, YOU CAN EITHER BUY THE PILE OF PARTS AND TRY TO SELL ON THE DROSS OR, ASK THE SELLER TO CONTACT YOU IF HE SUDDENLY DECIDES TO SELL THE PARTS INDIVIDUALLY.
TEASERS
SIMILAR TO MOTHER HENS BUT WITH A SADISTIC STREAK, SO THAT WHEN YOU GO TO SEE THEM TO BUY SOME PARTS, TAKE GREAT GLEE IN SHOWING YOU ANOTHER PILE OF PARTS THAT YOU ARE DESPERATE TO BUY, THAT THEY WILL NOT PART WITH FOR ALL THE TEA IN CHINA.
TACTICS ARE THE SAME AS FOR MOTHER HENS, AS TIMES CAN CHANGE eg. WHEN THE TEASER HAS TO FORK OUT FOR HIS DAUGHTER`S WEDDING FOR EXAMPLE.
MILITARY MEN
THESE EX MILITARY GENTLEMEN TEND TO LOOK DOWN ON PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN CIVVY STREET. THE KEY TO DEALING WITH THEM IS TO ESTABLISH THAT YOU HAVE A SUPERIOR RANK TO THEM WHICH WILL MAKE THEM FEEL INFERIOR AND THEY WILL BE PUTTY IN YOUR HANDS.
BYE THE BYE: THE PROTOCOL FOR CARRYING YOUR RANK OVER TO CIVILIAN LIFE IS THAT THE MINIMUM RANK IS MAJOR. ANYONE CALLING THEMSELVES CAPTAIN SUCH AS WO, BARNATO AND DUFF WERE A BIT OUT OF TOUCH WITH IT.
THE WAY TO HANDLE THIS, IS WHEN YOU ARE INVITED INTO THEIR HOUSE IS TO PULL ON A PAIR OF WHITE GLOVES AND LOOK FOR DUST ON THE TOP OF DOORS AND FURNITURE AND MAKE SURE THAT YOUR EYES ARE LOOKING DOWN ON THEM. SPEAK IN A COMMANDING VOICE, WEAR AN S.A.S TIE, IT`S EASY PEASY.
PUBLIC SCHOOLBOYS
IT`S A LITTLE KNOWN FACT TO US THAT NEVER ATTENDED A FEE PAYING SCHOOL IS THAT THERE IS A PECKING ORDER FOR PUBLIC SCHOOLS RANGING FROM YOUR FOURTH CLASS ESTABLISHMENT UP TO THE PINNACLE OF ETON AND HARROW. A LOT OF WELL MEANING PARENTS OF HUMBLE OR IMPOVERISHED MIDDLE CLASSES SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO THESE ESTABLISHMENTS "TO GET A BETTER EDUCATION THAN I HAD". THESE POORER PUPILS GO THROUGH HELL. HOWEVER AFTER LEARNING TO SPEAK IN THE UPPER CLASS DRAWL, THEY LORD IT UP WITH NORMAL PEOPLE.
WHEN DEALING WITH SUCH FOLK, IF YOU WEAR AN ETON TIE, AND YOUR SELLER CRINGES THEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE THE UPPER HAND IN THE NEGOTIATIONS.
MOOK IS BRASS
THESE GENTLEMEN OF YORKSHIRE ORIGIN ARE DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH, WHEN YOU WANT TO BUY FROM THEM, PRICES ARE SKY HIGH. WHEN YOU ARE SELLING TO THEM, THEY CAN`T AFFORD IT AND OFFER SILLY PRICES. PERSONALLY I WOULD RATHER HAVE A TOOTH PULLED THAN DEAL WITH THEM.
HOME COUNTIES
THESE FOLK ARE INCREDIBLY CHARMING BUT RUTHLESS, WHEN YOU SHAKE HANDS WITH THEM COUNT YOUR FINGERS.
BRUMMIES
THE SALT OF THE EARTH, BE CAREFUL THAT THEIR SING SONG ACCENT DOESN`T LULL YOU INTO A COMATOSE STATE WHERE THEY CAN OUT DEAL YOU.
NOUVEAU RICHE
IT WILL BE APPARENT TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE MET AT THE DOOR BY A PERSON DRESSED IN A SHOOTING JACKET AND THE WIFE HAS A LAURA ASHLEY DRESS THAT MATCHES THE LAURA ASHLEY CURTAINS THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH THE NOUVEAU RICHE. WHEN ASKING THE PRICE OF PARTS THAT ARE ON OFFER LOOK AGHAST AND SAY THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD THEM. JUST WATCH HIS FACE, IF IT DROPS THEN IT IS PROBABLE THAT HIS BANK MANAGER HAS BEEN IN TOUCH ABOUT HIS OVERDRAFT. GO FOR THE KILL.
BARROW BOYS
IT`S AMAZING HOW MANY BDC MEMBERS STARTED OUT PUSHING A BARROW IN THE EAST END OF LONDON CRYING OUT THEIR WARES OR BLOWING THEIR RAGMAN`S TRUMPET. NOW WELL HEELED AND RESPECTABLE BUT STILL CAN`T HELP DEALING. WHEN BUYING FROM THEM ASSUME A COCKNEY ACCENT, WEAR A PEARLY JACKET AND DON`T FORGET THE SPOONS SO THAT YOU CAN GIVE A VIRTUOSO PERFORMANCE. THE CLICKING OF THE SPOONS WILL PROBABLY INDUCE A LASSITUDE IN THE SELLER THAT MAY TAKE THE EDGE OFF HIS BARGAINING SKILLS AND HELP REDUCE THE PRICE.